


familiar

by soft (onlysweeter), squishy (Snowingiron)



Series: In The Stars (dark narry demigod au) [10]
Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, One Direction (Band), Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Daddy Issues, Disappointment, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Family Issues, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Immortality, M/M, Multi, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 06:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14949674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlysweeter/pseuds/soft, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowingiron/pseuds/squishy
Summary: When he looks up his eyes are cold. "Going the sentimental road is not your style. Try harder."Hermes lifts a curious eyebrow. "So you want me to try."Louis recoils immediately. "I didn’t say that. You don’t know me at all."Hermes tries very hard to reconcile with his son, but nothing seems to be enough for Louis and even though they're both immortal now, time seems to be running out.





	familiar

**Author's Note:**

> Did your parents ever try to buy your love? No? THAT'S BECAUSE WE ALL GREW UP AS POOR FUCKERS.

Hermes is trying. He is trying very hard for a god. But that son in front of him dismisses him so easily and is not impressed at all. Louis turns the new sword in his hands, lets his fingers explore the perfect shape, the details on the handle with the wings etched into it. It’s a masterpiece and something Hermes would’ve kept for himself, but this is supposed to be an olive branch for his most successful son that seeks validation and appreciation at every turn. Hermes is willing to give it to him, to make up for ignoring him most of his life. But this task has proven to be harder than he expected. Louis’ grudge is immortal now and his mind is as wicked as his mother’s.

"This is nice," he says with his eyes glued to the sword. Then, in a swift motion, he dumps it into water with a smile on his lips. "But do you really think it could replace the weapon that has protected me my whole life?"

Hermes frowns deeply at the ripples that are proof of the water swallowing his gift whole. It angers him quite a bit. He has left more presents for Louis in the past few months than for all of his children combined. New shoes, a home in the realm of the gods, a statue of Louis so big that it towered over each and every cabin. He admits it was not his best attempt but he figured that catering to Louis’ ego might be worth a try.

("You don’t know me at all," he had said. "I’m nothing on my own.")

The statue had crumbled under Louis’ furious fists, leaving them broken and bleeding. Hermes had watched from the shadows how his son turned red with dry sobs, how Zayn Malik had kissed his bruised knuckles with a sad expression. Like he knew exactly how Louis was feeling. Their kiss was heavy with feelings that Hermes didn’t understand.

_I don’t know him at all._

The only time Louis had almost given in was when Hermes had offered to take him along so they could steal Hypnos’ favourite pillow. After he refused Hermes wasn’t quite up for it anymore.

"That was expensive," Hermes finally says with pursed lips. He can’t suppress the offence in his voice that Louis easily picks up on.

"I hope it was. Is that all? I have a date with Liam and Zayn."

He disappears before Hermes can even open his mouth. _Dammit_ , he has become much faster since he gained immortality (no, it was shared with him, he didn’t earn it). There’s no pretentious golden or red light following after him, he’s just gone in the blink of an eye. 

He doesn’t know how else to approach Louis, doesn’t know what else to try, _why_ does he even try so hard? He forgot about Louis for the longest time and maybe he even was a bit disappointed that this particular child of him couldn’t even hold his title as head counsellor. But things changed. Louis changed, Hermes changed, the world changed. Old gods die and new gods are born and Hermes is not the type of god who will just fade. The roads he built won’t break, the wanderlust won’t die. People will always trade (goods, hearts, emotions). 

Mortals will always believe in progress and that is Hermes’ true essence. He was using a smartphone when Zeus still hadn’t figured out the electrical telegraph, he was traveling the world and the universe when mortals still believed the earth to be flat. He has seen other sun gods in Apollo’s shadow, has made rocks in California move just to fuck with people and had the most fun in his long life when he stole the queen’s underwear. She wasn’t too mad at him, they were friends after all. (He once had begged Zeus to make her immortal but apparently she just slapped the king of gods and told him to ‘sod off’.)

Hermes is not as arrogant as most gods. He knows his flaws and his limits but this one frustrates him. His own son shouldn’t be out of reach, behind a wall that is made of whatever Louis hates about him. 

"Not now," Hermes mumbles when Martha and George come alive on his staff and bite him in the arm.

"Then ssssssstop being miserable," George hisses.

"Okay, I changed my mind, don’t stretch the ‘s’, it sounds ridiculous."

"I _told_ you--"

"But he is right," Martha interrupts her partner. "You look miserable."

"He fucked up," George comments.

"Parents make mistakes," Hermes scoffs. "I apologised to him. I tried to make up for it, but he still doesn’t let me in. How am I supposed to make things right when he doesn’t want me to?"

"Ugh." He can see George roll his tiny snake eyes. "For a god who claims to be close to the mortal world you really have zero insight into human nature."

"He is not human anymore. Whatever he is, it’s terrifying. He feeds on the power of two soulmates and he survived a broken oath on the River Styx. He never played by the rules of the old gods and now he makes up new ones wherever he goes." Hermes feels himself shiver with delight. He should be scared of his son and he hasn’t been scared in ages. It’s like a breeze of fresh air.

"Kill him?" George suggests.

"George!" Martha gasps in horror. "He is just a boy."

"Is he?"

"Enough," Hermes says and shakes his staff, making them both stop.

"Hermes," Martha starts carefully. "He is just a boy."

"You said that already."

"But do you know that? If you want to fix the future, you should take a look in the past."

Maybe he should. Maybe it is worth a try. He _has_ tried everything else already. So he digs up a picture, the only one that exists of him and Louis together. Louis was just a few days old when Hermes visited him and his mother. He beams into the camera while he holds the small bundle in his arms and it seems genuine.

Louis looks considerate when he takes the photo with both hands. Hermes in turn studies Louis’ face and waits for any kind of reaction, something to work with. The corner of Louis’ mouth lifts ever so slightly and his thumb brushes almost fondly over the picture… before he tears it apart.

When he looks up his eyes are cold. "Going the sentimental road is not your style. Try harder."

Hermes lifts a curious eyebrow. "So you want me to try."

Louis recoils immediately. "I didn’t say that. You don’t know me at all."

"You’ve said that before."

"Well," Louis shrugs, "it’s still true."

Hermes takes a deep breath. He’s running out of options here. "How about you show me then? Instead of me trying to convince you that I mean it you could show me all the things you always wanted me to see. Everything that made you who you are now. And then I’ll tell you if I’m proud of you or not and believe me, I _will_ tell you."

Louis snorts out a laugh. "Well, we’ve always been brutally honest with each other."

"Yes, but you didn’t get that from me. It’s what I liked about your mother."

Louis shoves both hands into his pockets, avoiding Hermes’ eyes after that statement. "Alright. I’ll think about it."

"Take your time, we have forever now."

"Yeah, that’s the problem with the old gods. You don’t know how precious or vital time is to someone who remembers being mortal."

He fumes when he storms off and Hermes feels like he royally fucked up. Again. But he didn’t mean to! It’s impossible for him to get into Louis’ head and it bothers him greatly. He didn’t expect him to be an open book but Louis isn’t even a closed book. He’s a sealed book with several pages ripped out and put together again in different order.

Which is why he is so surprised when he actually hears from Louis again. It’s a letter, not a text or a voice message, it’s an old fashioned letter with a place and a time, leaving Hermes with the option not to go. But he has to. He _wants_ to. Maybe he has to play by Louis’ rules instead of his own for once.

So Louis shows him three things. Three things that mean everything to him.

The first thing is Louis’ childhood home. It’s the first time Hermes sees his old flame again since the day they took that picture. Jay’s mouth hangs open when she sees him and she is still hot, older but hot. Hermes was never appalled by mortals growing old, he is not like his father who always chased after the youngest flesh. She’s still a little vain, still pursing her lips when she talks and her humour is as filthy as he remembers. He laughs when she slaps Louis’ fingers as he tries to steal one of her cookies. Thievery never just passed by her schooled eyes.

It takes a thief to recognise one after all.

Oh how passionately they had loved each other on a mountain of money that means nothing to a god but everything to mankind. He remembers the time fondly and feels more comfortable with her than he thought he would. He wants to visit her again, feels the connection rekindled and wonders why he never went back to fix it. Maybe that was Louis’ plan all along, because he grins knowingly when they leave the flat. 

"You want to know if I regret what I did, don’t you?" Hermes asks when they reach the street.

"No, I don’t."

Every time Louis leaves, Hermes remains more confused than before.

The second thing Louis shows him is his cabin, his home. He doesn’t just share it with Liam and Zayn, there’s also room for Niall and Harry. They don’t have separate beds, it’s just one gigantic pile of blankets and pillows and Hermes’ face heats up at the mere idea of what they might do at night.

They’re greeting Louis with loud voices and Hermes watches his son immediately pounce Zayn to kiss him into the sheets. Liam laughs and drags his fingers through Louis’ hair, giving Hermes an appraising look. He just returns it with raised eyebrows. He doesn’t like being looked at like he’s part of someone’s villain origin story.

Hermes is not the only old god present in this cabin. Aphrodite is sitting by the window, her leg thrown over the other and her foot moving to a silent tune. Harry is leaning against the wall next to her, talking quietly. He’s not meeting her eyes and even after such a long time their relationship seems as fragile as it was decades ago. It doesn’t give him much hope for Louis.

But Hermes isn’t Aphrodite. And Louis isn’t Harry.

"Tell him about that time we raided Styx’ kitchen," Louis says with an elbow digging into Liam’s side.

"It wasn’t funny, Louis. I thought she was gonna curse you again."

"It _was_ funny," Zayn interrupts with a smile, "how she cried over Louis eating her favourite pudding."

"See?" Louis beams.

Liam shakes his head and looks at Hermes. "I’d rather tell you about all those times Louis saved the world."

His son’s smile drops immediately. " _No_. You won’t."

Liam gives him an irritated look. "But--"

"I said _no_ , Liam."

The lighthearted chatter dies down immediately and Hermes tries to figure out what that look means that Liam and Louis are sharing.

"Why are you doing this?"

"You should know." Louis sounds genuinely hurt. "You should fucking know."

It’s Zayn who smooths a hand over Louis’ arm. "We know."

Hermes doesn’t understand what the quarrel is about. He thought Louis wanted him to understand. But now it’s like he doesn’t want Hermes to know anything at all and it stings in his chest, where his immortal heart beats, causing waves in the universe as it bends time and space. With every breath a god takes, the universe expands. There is no wasted breath when you’re immortal. But now his breath hitches and Louis’ glare drifts over to him, _unbending_.

"They love me even when I’m nothing. It’s a wild flaw. Ask them about mine, ask them about all the times I fucked up."

Liam stands up abruptly, giving Louis a nasty look. "I hate it when you do that."

He leaves and Hermes watches Niall follow him with a sigh. It’s silent then and Louis offers Hermes a cruel smile, though it’s not clear who this cruelty is meant for. Hermes doesn’t know because he doesn’t know his own son. It’s that what Louis wants to let sink in?

"He fucked up big times," Zayn says eventually. He’s both light and dark but his light will always outshine the shadows. He’s more a son of Apollo than most demigods Hermes has met. "He almost destroyed the world when he stole the cornucopia, just to have me back. He broke the oath of a goddess and almost killed me in the process. He cheated on his boyfriend with me because he loves me just the same."

"Zayn..." Louis can’t even look at him, palming his face like he’s embarrassed by any bit of true affection. And there _is_ affection and love in Zayn’s voice when he tells Hermes the story of how Louis almost ended his life. 

"How romantic," Hermes comments and is glad for the absence of Martha and George. They’re addicted to soap operas.

"Isn’t it?" Harry pipes up and suddenly drapes himself over both Zayn and Louis. "Funny thing, this thing called love. It’s almost like it follows its own rules."

"Shut up, Harold, no one invited you," Louis growls and tries to remove Harry’s arm from around his shoulder.

"This is my bed, too."

"I’ll kick you out."

"You can try."

"I will."

Is this love as well? Hermes wonders, with the way Louis yanks at Harry’s hair and how Harry curses him like a sailor in return. Zayn watches them fondly, but Hermes catches Aphrodite’s eye instead. She looks at him sadly, like she knows all about his confusion and pities him for his lack of understanding. It makes Hermes furious, since he is one of the few gods who has truly and deeply loved. He feels for humanity, so how is this any different? Why can’t he figure this out? He wants to give Louis whatever he demands but it’s almost like he doesn’t want any of it, like he wants something completely different.

" _Do you remember_ ," he hears Aphrodite whispering in his mind, " _how we cursed our son Hermaphroditus because we thought what Salmacis felt for him was true love?_ "

" _Of course I do_." How could he forget. " _We tried to make up for it_."

" _By cursing others to suffer the same fate if they bathed in the pond._."

" _Yes._."

" _I’m the goddess of love. I should’ve known better, but I didn’t. Even gods make mistakes and it’s always our children who suffer. And a child’s grudge can last forever._ "

Yes, and Aphrodite’s mistakes are as recent as his.

" _Thanks for the pep talk, I feel better now_." Hermes is annoyed.

" _What I mean... what I **learned** is that we can’t fix our mistakes by punishing the world. It’s us who must carry the punishment. Zeus never understood that._ "

" _Is that what you’re doing_?"

Aphrodite finally smiles her perfect smile with her perfect lips and her perfect teeth. " _Spending time with my son is not punishment. Is it for you?_ "

Hermes flinches and turns his head away. Is it? Is all he feels obligation instead of genuine interest? Is all of what Louis does punishment rather than redemption for Hermes? Is it him who must prove himself to Louis?

He will try harder, he decides in the end. There is no other choice.

The third thing Louis shows him is his siblings. Some of them have just turned ten while others are considered adults already, yet they all have Hermes’ smile or his eyes or his gifts.

"I don’t have presents for all of them."

Louis looks at him strangely. "You don’t have to give them anything."

And it’s nice, to have them around, to see them grow, even if the growth is so little that a mortal wouldn’t notice. But Hermes does. He knows their faces and their names and he wants to show Louis that he cares, because that’s what Louis wants from him, isn’t it? He is not showing Hermes ‘things’, he shows him ‘people’.

It doesn’t last long though. When he talks to Kara, who turned thirteen last week, he asks her about the beads on her necklace and what she achieved so far (not that he doesn’t know already), and that’s when Louis throws him out.

"Excuse me?" Hermes frowns.

"I said: get the fuck out." The fury in Louis’ eyes makes the floor shake and the sky rumble but Hermes realises that it’s not Louis’ doing at all. It’s Liam feeling his lover’s anger and he doesn’t like it one bit. It reminds Hermes too much of Zeus’ rage, so he leaves as quickly as possible.

The next time he sees Louis is weeks later when he’s having a smoke on the rooftop of the Empire State Building, once the door to Olympus. Now it’s nothing but a crumbled gate to an ancient ruin. Hermes doesn’t mind, he never liked that place anyway.

"Why were you so angry?," Hermes finally dares to ask. "I did everything you asked of me."

Louis taps his thumb against the bottom of his cigarette, one hand tucked under the other arm and he just stands there like a statue. A tiny, puny statue that doesn’t talk.

"Talk to me," Hermes finally growls and it’s the tone in his voice makes Louis flinch.

Hermes watches him exhale the smoke he has been holding in his lungs. "All these years. A hundred years and I didn’t forget any of my siblings."

"Neither did I," Hermes says. "You think I don’t care but I do."

"But what do you remember of them?"

Hermes frowns. "Kara’s first quest was--"

"Stop," Louis interrupts him.

"You didn’t even let me finish."

"I’ve heard enough."

"I don’t understand," Hermes finally admits.

" _How_ do you remember them?"

Anger ripples through Hermes’ heart at Louis’ pointless questions. "What is this about, Louis? No matter what I do, it isn’t enough. What do you want me to do? What do you want from me?"

"I don’t want anything from you," Louis says with a shrug and his next word sting like a snake’s venom. "What’s broken between us can’t be fixed. I just want you to be better for my siblings."

"Do you think I don’t care about them? Or you? Do you think I’m made of stone? I once looked Medusa straight into her eyes and saw her for who she really was."

"Funny that you never really looked at _me_."

Hermes deflates as quickly as he blew up a moment ago. He looks Louis up and down, from his dark shaggy hair and his blue eyes to his torn jeans and his winged shoes that look as good and new as they did on the day before Louis stole them from Hermes. Before he found out that Louis was one of the demigods fighting Zeus he didn’t know that it also was Louis who took them. Those shoes weren’t just casually sitting on a shelf and waiting to be stolen. Hermes put them on the feet of a statue and concealed them with an _oath_ to make them look like marble.

They were his finest work, a masterpiece. The only way to break them free was to gently stroke the wings and to humbly kiss the statue’s knee. That’s why he thought them safe. Humility was a strange concept to every god and hero and monster. At least that’s what he thought. That’s why he was so surprised, so amused, so proud when he saw those very shoes on the feet of his own son. And Louis just _loved_ to break oaths, didn’t he? That’s when Hermes decided that he wanted to save Louis. But even then he made his father feel foolish. ("Shit, you don’t get it, do you?")

For once, or finally, Louis takes pity on him.

"When you held me in your arms for the first time, what did you feel?"

Hermes stares at him. "What do you mean?"

"I was nothing yet. All I did was crawl out of my mum’s body. Nothing to make you proud, nothing to get your attention. I was just there. So what did you feel?"

Hermes recalls that day like it was yesterday, not just because of the picture, he is a god and he remembers everything. He can still feel Louis' fragile form fitting into the crook of his arm, his blue eyes so unsettling.  
They share the exact same shade of blue and it was like looking into his own past. Only he never was just a child, he doesn't know what it's like to just exist, since only hours after his birth he had stolen Apollo's cattle. He didn't do it to make his father proud, he just did it, to give himself purpose.

But he didn't think of that when he had held Louis in his arms. Time seemed to freeze and stand still, cradling the moment the way Hermes held Louis. He had smiled afterwards, thinking of all the great things his son would achieve in his name. And Louis did all that. But Hermes realises now that none of it had even occurred to Louis until he was much older. In that moment he was nothing but a child that craved the warm hug of a parent.

Hermes slowly lifts his arms and hands, looking at them as he rubs his thumbs over the pads of his fingers. Soft. He had felt soft for that frozen moment, before he started to think of the future. The moment is expanding in his own mind now, racing and racing until it arrives in present time and wraps itself like a cloak around Louis and Hermes. All he sees now, is his son. His fragile small son, looking at him with those blue eyes and parted lips. There is no expectation, no glory to earn. Just the joy of sharing this moment, of being together. Oh gods, how could he forget?

He can't bring himself to say the words - what words? - because no matter how often he becomes a father, the feeling is always new, everchanging and nothing like the last time or the next time. This moment will always belong to two people. Hermes and his child. But maybe he doesn't have to say anything at all because his own face suddenly drowns in heat and tears without his consent.

Louis steps closer, eyes so wide in shock, like he did not expect this kind of reaction. Their palms slide together and Louis' hands are not as tiny as Hermes remembers them. They're strong, vaulting him back into the present and making it oh so clear that time is indeed running. For the first time Hermes feels like he wasted it. Like there isn't _enough_ time. It makes him panic, makes his heart race and then Louis cautiously pulls him closer.

"Like that," he whispers softly. "Can you hold me like that again?"

It’s the easiest thing to wrap both arms around his son and press them together, the urge to hide him away from the world and time and space suddenly overwhelming him. He takes in the scent of Louis’ hair, glad that he doesn’t have to worry about holding him too tight or breaking his bones because it seems like immortality is prepared for a father’s endless regret and the need to make up for lost time. But he can’t. He can’t go back and curses himself and all gods for failing at that.

Louis shivers in his arms - no he shakes - he shakes with silent tears that he hides into Hermes’ shoulder so the world doesn’t see them and uses them against him. How cruel the world has turned him, how cruel _Hermes_ has turned him by not being there.

 _They love me even when I’m nothing_ \- that’s what Louis wants. After years and years of chasing recognition by his father and the world he realised that he wants just _this_ and he doesn’t know how to ask for it. Doesn’t know if he can. He thought he had to work hard for Hermes’ love but that’s not true. Still, it’s Hermes fault for making him believe that. That’s the great answer, the big reveal. Kind of anticlimactic and yet so profound and important it almost takes the god’s breath away.

‘It doesn’t matter’ he wants to say with his fingers cupping the back of Louis’ head to hold him there. ‘It doesn’t matter what you did or what you’re about to do’. The affection pushing against the inside of his ribs is without condition, without expectation. He wonders in which corner of his heart it has been hiding all those centuries.

"You’re enough," Hermes finally says. This is enough. No one has to prove anything. There is no punishment.

Louis tenses for a moment, holding his breath. His hands have been hanging loosely by his sides but when his chest expands to breathe in they rise to press against Hermes’ stomach, pushing them apart, not violently but determined. Louis doesn’t look him in the eye but his face is wrecked with dug out emotions and there’s divine snot dripping from his nose that he wipes away with his sleeve like a child, not like a god. Hermes’ heart aches in an unexpected way, the urge to pull him in again so strong that he takes a step forward. But Louis puts more distance between them, acknowledging whatever happened between them with a nod.

"Alright," he croaks and nods again, finally meeting Hermes’ eyes. "See you, dad."

Then he is gone, his stolen feathered shoes carrying him home.

His ‘see you’ echoes in Hermes’ head like a siren’s song trying to drag him over the edge of the rooftop that he’s still standing on. He looks down at himself, feeling like those words made him grow as tall as a cyclops but he suspects that it’s not like that, that it can’t be seen on the outside.

It’s interesting.

New.

Different.

He can’t wait for it to become familiar.

**Author's Note:**

> We hope you liked that little snippet. Not all is well but it's a start isn't it?


End file.
